


the Princess and the Sycophant

by vulpineRaconteur



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad Parenting, Gen, Passive-aggression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 16:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulpineRaconteur/pseuds/vulpineRaconteur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Internet buddies Meenah and Aranea meet in person for the first time.  It's the start of a beautiful frondship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the Princess and the Sycophant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mewsingmage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewsingmage/gifts).



The Empress was concerned about her daughter’s emotional well-being. Only four sweeps old and she already had almost a dozen internet friends, way too many if you asked the Empress, who was her ancestor and guardian (not that anybody did). So concerned was the Empress for her princess’s wellbeing that she insisted on meeting every single one of these trolls and in fact, inviting them all to her hive for a banquet, and wouldn’t that be great?! Meenah was so fortunate to be royalty, to be of the only bloodcaste long-lived enough to be raised by their own ancestors, to have a guardian looking out for her and teaching her what she would need to know if she became empress herself one day.

On the afternoon of the night of the banquet, Meenah was glowering at herself in the mirror in her respite block. She’d been stuffed into a cyan-and-green-and-magenta party gown that kept floating up to her elbows. She was about three seconds away from taking a pair of scissors to the whole thing to make it as hardcore as she was, when someone knocked on her door, then came in without waiting for permission. 

“Hi Sweetfins!” It was the Empress herself. “One of your little friends came early.” 

Meenah whipped around, her dress flowing lazily around her. “Which one?” 

A chubby blue-blood girl in a breathing mask showed her face around the corner of the door and smiled at Meenah. “Aranea Serket. Greetings, Princess.” 

“Yeah, hi, whatever.” She swatted at the rising hem of one of her skirts. “You wanna come in I guess?” 

“Thank you very much!” Aranea swam slowly over to Meenah, obviously uncomfortable in the water, but putting on her best face. She made her way to a sofa and sat down, holding herself in place by tucking her feet underneath it. “And thank you, your Imperiousness, for inviting us all to dinner like this.” 

The Empress waved her hands. “Oh, it was no trouble at all. You’re all from such diverse cultures, I hope the chefs have made things you’ll all enjoy. Though if it were up to Meenah we’d all be having microwave grub nuggets. Oh I’m just teasing, sweetfins.” Meenah had released an exasperated sigh and stomped over to the couch next to Aranea, causing a torrent of bubbles as she flopped into her seat. 

“Well you personally showed her all the way to my block even though we’ve got like a million servants to do that kind of thing _for_ you, so you can go now, _your Beneficence._ ” 

“Hold on just a minute, deargills, I want to get to know your friend! Isn’t that the whole point of this evening?” The Empress crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway. “So what are your hobbies?” 

“My hobbies include studying history, writing the occasional short story, and looking after wigglers whose lusii have tragically died.” 

“My word, you’re quite accomplished for a four-sweep-old.” 

“That’s very kind of you to say, your Majesty. I one day hope to open and operate a home for these poor wigglers who have lost everything so early in life. I’m of the opinion that current culling policies don’t—“ 

“Pbbbbbbbbbt.” Meenah blew her raspberry until both her guardian and her friend were looking at her, then kept going for another minute. “Jeez you’re boring sometimes. Who cares about some dumb wigglers? If they can’t take care of themselves, why don’t we just like, kill them all or something?” She perked up. “Hey yeah, that’d be shella sweet! We could have like, wiggler roasting parties and then feed them all to Glubglob afterward!” 

“Meenah!” the Empress said, looking sharply at her descendant. “Please don’t suggest such abhorrent things! You are going to inherit my crown someday and when you do, you will have to be much more compassionate to your fellow trolls. Besides, Gl’bgolyb would never eat wigglers, roasted or otherwise. They are much too small for her to even notice.” 

“Maybe what we gotta do then is make ‘em into wiggler patties. Wiggler nuggets!” 

The Empress smiled sweetly at Meenah. “It’s my duty as your guardian to be patient with you when you get like this, so I will be patient. It was lovely to meet you, Aranea. I’ll see you both at dinner.” She turned and left, her mass of hair following after her. 

Meenah slouched almost all the way off the couch, sighing. “If I have to wait until I’m a grown-up to kill her and take over I’m gonna lose it.” 

Aranea turned to her friend. “I thought she was nice. She just wants what’s best for you.” 

“She’s the EMPRESS, she wants what’s best for EVERYBODY.” Meenah waved her limbs so violently that she finally fell all the way off the sofa, landing on the floor with a gown-softened thump. “Doesn’t mean it’s what THEY want. Anyway.” She turned her face to Aranea. “Who’d you get her to invite to this thing anyway? You never told me all the deets.” 

Aranea produced a list from her pocket. “Per your request, I found ten trolls our age, one from each bloodcaste minus our two.” Meenah clambered back on the sofa and snatched the list away. She read it quickly. 

“ _These_ losers?! Why’d you pick _them?!_ There’s not even one actually cool person on this list and they’re _all_ coming here tonight?!” 

Aranea took the list back and clutched it to her chest. “It isn’t as though they were my first choices! Pretending to be your friend for the night to please your guardian is kind of a hard sell, even if you are the Princess.” Meenah made a frustrated sound and pushed herself over the back of the couch, leaving her legs dangling in the air. “I don’t understand why you lied and told her you had a whole bunch of friends, anyway, and from every bloodcaste no less.” 

Still out of sight, Meenah said “Because if I told her I didn’t have any friends except a nosy, busybritches blue-blood, she’d _make_ me be friends with whatever weirdos she thought up, and if I said I was only friends with highbloods, she’d find some lowbloods and make me be friends with _them_ too!” 

“If she did she’d be right! If you’re going to rule as Empress one day, you need to have a better understanding of—“ 

“Don’t you start, too.” Meenah pulled herself back into her seat. “You really had to talk to a whole buncha different guys before you got these ones?” 

“Quite a few, yes.” 

The Princess slumped her head onto Aranea’s shoulder. “What if I don’t wanna be Empress?” 

“Abdication is an option. You wouldn’t be the first to choose it. There was a Princess about three thousand sweeps ago who—“ 

“I don’t need to get schoolfed about history every time I ask a question, Serket.” 

Aranea sighed. “If you don’t want to be Empress, you don’t have to be.” 

Meenah was silent for a moment. 

“Nah, I’m gonna be Empress. That crown is hot shit.” 

“I eagerly await the day it rests upon your head.” 

“Damn right. Y’all gonna fear my shella sweet gold trident, tricked out throne, and my jewel-encrusted wiggler patty press.” 

“Oh, Meenah!” 

“Who’s gonna stop me, Serks? Nobuoy gonna stop the Empress!” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Meenah looked up at her friend with the widest, saddest eyes she could muster. “This dinner’s gonna be the pits, gillfrond.” 

“I know. But won’t it be worth it to have the Empress off your back about your friends?” 

“What if it backfires and she just bothers me about them more now that she’s met them?” 

Aranea reached up and patted Meenah gently between her horns. “It’s all going to be fine.” 

“REELly now?” Meenah said, waggling her eyebrows. “That’s a pretty forward pale gesture, Aranea, don’t you think we’re a little young?” 

“Oh! You!” Aranea stood up quickly, her face hot blue. “Let’s go somewhere else, I don’t want to be alone with you anymore, you perv!” She tried to storm off, but found it difficult underwater. Meenah took Aranea’s hand. 

“I’ll show you around, you big prude.” Meenah swam away from her respite block, dragging Aranea behind.


End file.
